The Hazards of Akatsuki
by Yukiko nya
Summary: The Akatsuki are trapped in the real world and stuck with an insane girl. How will they survive?
1. Intruders

**My first fan fiction! Akatsuki AU, in the real world! This story will no doubt be author fulfillment, but hopefully it'll entertain you too! P.S. I don't cuss, so Hidan's language is improvised with asterisks. **

**Rated teen because I don't really plan my stories so it might get iffy. But I am a clean person so no (real) cursing or really bad "adult themes." I'm not against violence though... So no promises. :)  
**

**If you didn't know, I DON'T OWN NARUTO!**

_The Hazards of Akatsuki_

Chapter 1:

Yukiko discretely slipped her ipod's earbuds into her ears. She spun the volume up daintily with her finger just as the sound came blaring out, louder than she had expected. She jumped and quickly spun it in the opposite direction.

"Well that was stupid," she muttered to herself.

She skipped rhythmically to the beat, away from the dreary, teenager-filled, building she had spent her day in.

Without entirely realizing it, Yukiko began dancing along with the peppy J-pop she cherished. She didn't even notice the perplexed onlookers she passed. She didn't care either. School was over and it was friday, this day was looking up.

She slid through the wooden gate that closed off her backyard from the rest of the world and let it shut noisily behind her. She walked through the tall, uncut, grass lawn, which resembled a rice field.

She popped out one of her earbuds as she opened the back door. She paused as she stepped in.

"Mom?"

No reply.

"She must not be home yet," she concluded as she shoved her backpack onto one of the red dining chairs surrounding the glossy, wooden table.

She balanced herself on the now wobbling chair as she slipped her dirt-covered, purple shoes off. She then proceeded to saunter off towards the stainless steel refrigerator in her green and white polkadot socks. She opened the fridge and leaned in to inspect the food it contained.

She fingered over an array of leftovers, fruits, and bottled drinks, not seeing anything that suited her fancy.

"Hmm, maybe I'll have some ramen," Yukiko said thoughtfully as she closed the fridge.

"Yeah, that sounds good," she decided as she headed towards the pantry, which was directly across the hall from the kitchen.

As she was entering the door some movement caught her attention and she spun towards it.

_Nobody's home, _she thought, her mind now racing.

Her eyes widened as she stepped cautiously towards the suspected hiding place of the thing that had distracted her. Stifling her breath, she poked her head around the corner of the doorway into her mother's room.

Before being able to look inside, she sensed movement behind her; she wheeled around, now feeling panic well up inside her.

"Who's there?" she demanded in a shaky voice. Dead silence greeted her ears.

_It's only your imagination. It's playing tricks on you, _she thought, _see?_

She peaked into the room once more to reassure herself, but what she saw achieved the complete opposite.

Her mother was lying on the floor, covered in blood.

"Mom?" Yukiko managed to choke out, tears filling her wide eyes, ready to burst at a moment's notice.

She took a step forward and fell to her knees, her arms at her sides and her hands lying limp on the floor. She stared at the lifeless corpse of her mother, her mind numb and unfeeling.

Yukiko could barely notice the presence of three figures that appeared in the doorway. She didn't care about them. Her mother was dead, what did she have now? All the rest of her family had died in a car crash. Hollow loneliness welled up inside her chest.

She realized she had to leave, or they would kill her too.

Her tears stopped as she solemnly stood up and turned towards the door. She stepped forward towards the figures whom she didn't bother to look at. She placed her hand of one of their chests, about to push past them.

Yukiko stopped short. Her vision focused as she looked at what she was now touching.

A blood red cloud with a white border was appliqued onto the silky black fabric right above where her hand was placed. Her mind processed it instantly, _Akatsuki._

Yukiko slowly craned her neck upward to see the man's face. Her eyes rested on dark eyes full of suffering, which looked inattentively down back at her.

She took a step backwards, one thought pulsing constantly through her head, _Itachi._

She turned towards the middle figure and before she could think, she was captured by the beautiful ocean colored eyes staring smugly down at her.

Yukiko's eyes scanned over him repetitively. He was more beautiful in real life than she could ever have imagined.

Movement to the right of the blond figure brought her out of her daze. Yukiko looked over and saw a silver-haired man, Hidan, shifting impatiently; his customary scythe placed on his back.

On seeing the dangerous weapon, her mind snapped back to reality, _what do I do?_

She felt uncomfortable in the silence she knew she had to break, but how? She couldn't abandon the chance to meet Deidara, so leaving was out of the question. _No way out, I gotta say something._

"Why are you here?" Yukiko said, hardly able to maintain a steady voice.

"We need your house," Itachi answered bluntly.

"...What?" Yukiko asked, confused.

"We need you house,"

"I heard you the first time but, _why?_"

"We need a place to live,"

"Oh... How did you get here?"

Itachi looked slightly confused.

_Crap! _Yukiko screeched in her head, _Don't tell them you know who they are! It'd freak them out!_

"I mean, you don't look like your from around here," Yukiko improvised.

"We're not," Hidan interrupted, "we don't know where the * we are or how the * we got here!"

Deidara elbowed him in the stomach, causing vulgarity to spew from Hidan's mouth.

"We're going to live in your house," Itachi said, barely loud enough to be heard over Hidan.

Yukiko looked perplexed, "OK? But, I kinda need to live here too."

"I guess we'll share my house, it's plenty big," Yukiko said, " Just... don't kill me."

Deidara smiled, clearly amused by her comment.

"Alright then," Itachi said as he walked out of the doorway. Hidan and Deidara followed.

Even though her mother was dead, she couldn't help but smile. She was now living every Akatsuki fangirl's dream... Well, to a point.

Yukiko turned back to her mother, the same empty feeling plaguing her heart.

Familiar tears welled came into her eyes, but she stopped them.

_I'm not going to cry when the Akatsuki are around. That'd be embarrassing._

She wheeled around and walked swiftly out of the room as she rubbed one eye with her sleeve.

**Yay, I get to meet the Akatsuki! And no! I don't like Deidara! *blushes* Hope you guys liked it, sorry if you don't. If it isn't obvious, I am Yukiko (not my real name but...). Reviews would be love. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Sup, Pein

**I don't own Naruto!**

**Chapter two hope you like it! **

**Silly Akatsuki have no knowledge of technology!**

_The Hazards of Akatsuki_

Chapter 2:

Yukiko walked down the hall and, as she passed the opening to the kitchen, something caught her eye. She stopped and took as step back to take a look.

There, sitting around _her _kitchen table, was Pein. Yukiko desperately help back the urge to squee.

_AWESOME! I get to meet Pein! So totally worth my mom dying... Wait, what did I just say? _She shook her thoughts out of her head.

Yukiko hesitantly took a step inside, then stepped back. She wasn't about to rush into a bad first impression with the Akatsuki leader. _What do I say? _she thought. _I got it!_

She cleared her throat and fixed her jacket. Taking a deep breath, she boldly took a step forward.

She payed special attention to keep her face nearly expressionless, with only a hint of sadness. The orange haired man turned his head to look at her.

With one look into Pein's Rinnegan eyes, Yukiko's organized thoughts were now scattered and in disarray.

"Sup," she stuttered awkwardly, unsure of what to say now.

Pein's left eyebrow rose quizzically, "excuse me?"

Yukiko regretted what she had said, "Sup, uh... It's a common slang greeting. It's short for 'what is up.'"

Disappointed, she shuffled towards the table and sat on a chair not directly next to, but near Pein's.

"But I guess it wasn't appropriate," Yukiko said, obviously embarrassed.

Pein stared down at the small helpless girl, who was now twiddling her fingers.

Yukiko knew that Pein would never break the silence, so she took it upon herself to do so.

She stuck out her right hand and smiled slightly, "Let's start over; Hello, I'm Yukiko. Even though you murdered my mother, I'm letting you live in my huge, expensive house. Now aren't you lucky?"

Pein stared blankly at her, but didn't offer his hand, which made Yukiko grin evilly.

"C'mon, shake my hand,"

Nothing.

"Am I gonna have to make you?" Yukiko asked coyly.

Pein's eyebrow rose once more.

"OK then, if your gonna be stubborn!"

Yukiko stood up and walked over to him. She grabbed his wrist with her left hand and raised it. She then grabbed it with her right hand and shook it vigorously.

She relinquished his wrist and sat back down, smiling widely. Pein recoiled his hand in disgust and his look of confusion and horror made Yukiko laugh.

"So, your name?" Yukiko asked even though she already knew the answer.

"You may call me Pein-sama,"

"Sama, that's _formal_," Yukiko scoffed jokingly.

Pein could not understand how this girl could be acting so calmly in front of the people who killed her mother and so lighthearted after her death. He also couldn't comprehend why she was so strange, and probably never would. A lot of things in this world were beyond his belief.

Yukiko sighed and tapped her fingers on her knees as though she was playing piano. Then she stood up.

"Well, this was a fun chat. Bye!" she walked as quickly as she could, without running, away from the kitchen.

Pein stared after her blankly and, once she was gone, shook his head.

Now that she was out of sight of Pein Yukiko's shoulders slumped and she heaved a sigh.

_Real smooth. Now he thinks your a freak, _she thought with a sigh. She eyed the floor as she headed towards her room.

_Thump_

Yukiko collided with Hidan. Yukiko took as step backwards and rubbed her face in confusion as Hidan was cussing her out. She flinched at every swearword that entered her ears.

"I'm sorry!"she said, barely able to be heard over Hidan's ranting.

He eyed her angrily as he shoved past her, muttering wildly to himself..

"It was an accident!" she called after him apologetically.

When he turned the corner she put her head in her hands, "Ugh!"

"I need some music," she told herself, "That'd cheer me up."

Then she remembered where her ipod was; on the kitchen table. Her face met her palm once more, _Never_ _mind then._

After passing, and pretending to ignore, other Akatsuki members she reached her bedroom. She opened the door and, without bothering to close it, slumped onto her bed. In the past 20 minuets she had been through a roller coaster of sadness and awesomeness. She needed a break.

She heard someone step into the doorway.

"Give me a minuet," Yukiko sighed.

"What is this?"

Yukiko didn't recognize that voice. She lifted her head off of the pillow and craned her neck to see who it was. The first thing she noticed about him was his red hair. _I forgot about Sasori, he's been dead so long._

"What's what?" Yukiko asked as she struggled to get off the bed and walk over to him.

He held up a familiar piece of plastic covered in rubber buttons.

"Oh, that's a television remote,"

Sasori looked even more confused.

"Here, I'll show you," Yukiko said as she grabbed the remote and walked out the door, "Come on."

Yukiko hurried down the stairs with Sasori following closely behind. She entered the large, furniture filled room designated for television watching and sat on the terracotta, microsuede couch. Sasori came up next to her, but didn't sit.

Yukiko pressed the red power button on the top right corner and the lifeless box clicked to life, displaying a obnoxious car commercial.

"What is this?" Sasori asked, with slight shock in his voice.

"SPARTA!" Yukiko yelled into Sasori's ear. He hit her on the head.

"Ow," Yukiko whimpered as she picked herself off the ground. She sat back on the couch and scooted to the edge of the cushion, far away from Sasori.

Sasori looked at her expectantly, "well?"

"It's a television," Yukiko said.

"Explain," Sasori commanded as he tapped his foot.

_He really _is_ impatient, _Yukiko thought.

"Well, it's a box... That receives video from the cable service. It plays the videos that people film with video cameras," Yukiko said, quite proud that she could explain something she had no knowledge of.

She looked up to see an unimpressed Sasori.

"That makes no sense,"

"Well sorry! I don't know much about how technology actually works, I just use it,"

Sasori sat down and watched the screen attentively. _He must be trying to figure it out for himself, _Yukiko thought, _well, good luck with that._

"Here," Yukiko said as she handed Sasori the remote.

"That's the power button, that's how you change channels, and that one's for volume," Yukiko explained as she pointed out the different buttons.

"And for the others?"

"Those are the only ones you need to really watch it, I'm out," Yukiko said as she walked out of the room. She was far too lazy to explain _all _the buttons.

**Impatient Sasori is impatient. **

**Yukiko: I actually do yell "SPARTA" when someone asks "what is this." It happens a lot more than you would think.**

**I would love to hear what you guys think. Bad? Good? Reviews please!**


	3. Meet the Gang

**I wish I owned Naruto, but, alas, I do not. **

**Yukiko reporting with chapter three. I actually do have a best friend named Megan, and I do call her Megahan. *Waves* "Hi Megan!"**

_The Hazards of Akatsuki_

Chapter 3:

Yukiko slumped onto her bed and pulled out her cell phone. She dialed "seven" and held it until the screen said "Calling Megan." She held the phone to her ear and listened to the rhythmic ringing.

The therapeutic sound was interrupted by a voice, "Hey Yuki-chan!"

"MEGAHAN!" Yukiko said cheerily into the phone.

"What's up?"

"My house is full of crazies,"

"Who's over?" Megan asked.

"Er... You wouldn't know if I told you, and I think they'd be mad at me if I did," Yukiko said.

"So what? C'mon tell me!"

"A bunch of psychotic murderers,"

"... What?"

"Otherwise the Akatsuki,"

"From that one show...?"

"Naruto, yes," Yukiko said as she plucked a piece of fuzz off her comforter. She wished Megan would watch Naruto too.

"Why'd you invite cosplayers over?" Megan asked with a sigh.

"There not cosplayers!"

"Are you sure? This wouldn't be the first time you've been fooled..."

"No I'm serious this time!" Yukiko said defensively, "I would be able to tell a real Deidara from a fake!"

"I'm coming over," Megan said decisively.

"NO!"

_Tu~tu~tu_

Yukiko shut her phone angrily. _Well poo._

Megan jumped onto her bike and rode frantically over to her friend's house, which, luckily, wasn't far away. She bit her lip impatiently as she waited for the cars to pass at the stop sign. Then she peddled as fast as she could; so much so, she began panting from exertion.

She slowed as she pulled up to Yukiko's gigantic mansion of a house. She hopped off her bike and let it fall on the grass as she ran up to the door and rung the doorbell. When Yukiko didn't come after five seconds, she continued to anxiously hit the button.

"Dang, she got here fast," Yukiko muttered under her breath as she rushed to open the door.

"Who's here?" Pein demanded as he cut Yukiko off before she could reach the door. _He must think I called the cops._

"Just my friend,"

"Why is she here?"

"I didn't ask her to come!" Yukiko said as she tried to get around Pein. He didn't give in.

"She's not going to stop ringing until someone opens the door," Yukiko threatened. She could tell the sound was getting on his nerves as well.

"WHAT THE * IS THAT SOUND?" Hidan yelled from another room.

Yukiko folded her arms and huffed as she stared up at Pein.

"Open the door," Pein growled as he walked swiftly past her.

Yukiko jumped forward and clicked the deadbolt out of place. Megan burst through the door, nearly whacking Yukiko in the face.

"Took you long enough!" Megan huffed.

"Yeah, I was held up,"

Megan grabbed Yukiko's face and pulled it close to her own.

"What are you doing?" Yukiko asked.

"Checking to see if your eyes are dilated," Megan replied. When she saw they were neither dilated nor constricted, she released her friend's face.

"I'm not on drugs, Megan," Yukiko said.

"Well it's obvious the Akatsuki aren't in your house,"

"Shhhh!" Yukiko placed her hand onto Megan's mouth.

Megan struggled to pull away, but Yukiko was stronger and she gave up.

"It'd freak them out if we let them know that we know who they are! No _duh!_"

Yukiko took her hand away.

"That's confusing, but OK," Megan said quietly, "But wait! They're fictional characters!"

"Oh? They killed my mom, I think they're real!" Yukiko hissed with a voice on the brink of hysteria.

"What?" Megan asked sympathetically.

Yukiko looked away to hide her sadness. Megan placed her hand on Yukiko's shoulder in order to comfort her friend's loss.

"Aren't you pissed at them?" Megan asked, confused.

"Strangely enough, no," Yukiko answered sheepishly.

"Is it because..." Megan began with a smile.

"No!" Yukiko interrupted and turned away to hide her blush.

Yukiko noticed Megan was looking at something, and she followed her gaze.

Hidan was standing there eating a sandwich and staring at them.

"Got right into the food did you? You guys aren't shy at all," Yukiko said with a laugh.

Megan's jaw hit the floor, "you aren't crazy!"

"Well, we can't be too sure," Yukiko said coyly. She looked back at Hidan, "Go watch TV with Sasori!"

"What the * is 'TV'?" Hidan asked, mouth filled with food.

"C'mon," Yukiko said as she walked past him, Megan following her like a lost puppy. Megan stared at Hidan, eyes wide with terror, as she followed them.

"Oh, looks like everyone found the television," Yukiko said as she walked into the Akatsuki filled living room.

"How does it work?" Kisame asked. He was sitting directly in front of it just about to poke the screen.

"HEY! Don't touch the screen!" Yukiko yelled.

Kisame turned his neck to look at her, "why not?"

"It's bad for it, so don't do it," Yukiko said. _What a lame excuse._

Kisame shrugged and put his hand down.

"Is it sorcery?" Itachi asked.

Yukiko laughed as she left the room, "Technology is beyond all of you,"

"What did she say?" Konan asked. Everyone shrugged and looked back to the TV.

"How did they get here?" Megan asked when they were out of hearing range.

"I don't know, and I don't think they do either," Yukiko answered thoughtfully, "I'll ask Pein about it later."

"Who?"

"The leader, of course!" Yukiko said surprised, "who else would I ask?"

Megan smiled evilly, "De-"

_SMACK_

"Lay off it OK?" Yukiko screeched.

Megan whimpered as rubbed her throbbing cheek.

"So why aren't you freaking out right now? I mean, your house is full of murderers," Megan asked commented thoughtfully.

"Maybe it's the fact that they're AWESOME! But I'm not sure,"

"Is it because..." Megan began but was stopped by Yukiko's threatening face.

"I swear I will murder you with a freakin' kitchen knife if you don't watch yourself, Megan,"

Megan frowned, "why does every threat go to killing with you?"

Yukiko shrugged flippantly, "I don't know, but you wanna go watch Retarded Running Horse 'till it gets boring?"

"That'll take a long time but YES!"

They laughed so long and loud that the Akatsuki had to turn up the volume downstairs.

"Bye, Megan!" Yukiko yelled as she waved to her friend.

"Bye, Yukiko," Megan yelled back, "and stay safe!"

"I'll try to stay alive but no promises!" Yukiko said with a wink.

She watched as Megan rode off into the sunset.

"Yukiko," Pein said from behind her.

She started, _dang ninjas! I wish I could be that sneaky!_

"Hm?"

"Come with me," he said as he started walking away.

"Wait! Let me get a juice box first!" Yukiko said as she ran into the pantry to retrieve a box filed with apple blood.

She ran back to him, "I got you one too!"

He walked away.

"Fine, more for me!" she joked as she followed him.

He lead her into the living room, where all the other Akatsuki were waiting. Sasori turned the TV off once they entered.

Yukiko looked around, confused, "what's up?"

"We haven't introduced ourselves. If we are going to abide in your household it would only be proper,"

Pein explained.

"Oh, OK," Yukiko said, breathing a sigh of relief. _Man, Pein is way too formal._

She sucked on her juice box as they began.

"As you know, I am Pein. The leader of the Akatsuki organization, and the leader of all of them," he said as he motioned to the large group of men and one woman.

"I am Konan,"

"Uchiha, Itachi Uchiha," Itachi stated blankly.

After a short break of rhythm, Kisame realized it was his turn, "Hoshigaki, Kisame."

They each stated their names in an all to formal manner, excluding Hidan, with Tobi left last.

"Tobi! Tobi is a good boy!" he said enthusiastically, making Yukiko smile_._

Awkward silence ensued until Yukiko realized it was her turn.

"My name is Yukiko," she said, blushing at her error, "It's nice to meet all of you."

As an attempt to conclude her show as the center of attention, she sucked on her juice box's straw. To her relief, it worked; Pein took the spotlight.

"We will be staying at her home until we find a way to get home. Be sure to respect Yukiko's rules and to keep her home orderly," Pein instructed.

"If you clean up after yourselves and don't burn the place down, I'm sure we'll be the best of friends," Yukiko said with a genuine smile. She did want to be their friends. After all, she was a _huge _Akatsuki fan.

**Hope you all like it! And if you haven't seen Retarded Running Horse, your missing out; You-Tube it. Awkward Yukiko is awkward with introductions.**

**Reviews= Win... Hint hint. **


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